It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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