fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
