Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
