the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
