so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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