Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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