fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
