When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
