The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize