sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
