I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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