Swine flu. Run for my life!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize