o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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