So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
