I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
