I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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