What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
