is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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