The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
be right there i have to get my cape
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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