So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
