Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
