i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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