I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
