you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dick very happy bro
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
