remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
