I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
