My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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