That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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