I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
