I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
