Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
