he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
