my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
