Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
