You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
