Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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