did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
