Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
