The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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