I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize