A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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