I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize