now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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