i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
