fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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