what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
