sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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