why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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