somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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