The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
