Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
two words: eviction party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
