hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
