So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
