i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
