I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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