my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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