he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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