i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
