Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
