I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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