When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
