she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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