she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
