I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
